Prsyers of the Rest Rooms, Toilet

 Now, listen here, 'cause even goin' to the privy, that little room where you gotta unburden yourself, it ain't just a free-for-all. If the call of nature's got you tuggin' before you face your prayers, well, you best heed that call first. There's ways about it, see, a whole heap of do's and don'ts, passed down like secrets whispered in the dark.

First off, when you cross that threshold, you lead with your left foot, plantin' it down like you mean it. And then you gotta speak the words, gotta ask for protection from what's foul and unclean, from that devil himself, the one cast out. You gotta say: بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ وَبِاللّٰهِ أَعُوذُ بِاللّٰهِ مِنَ الرِّجْسِ النَّجِسِ الْخَبِيثِ الْمُخْبِثِ الشَّيْطانِ الرَّجِيمِ – "In the name of God, and by God, I seek refuge in God from the filth, the impure, the polluted, the polluting, the accursed, outcast Satan."

Then, when you're settin' your clothes aside, you whisper «بِسمِ اللهِ» – "In the name of God." And it's a must, hear me now, a stone-cold must in that moment, and every moment, to keep your privates covered from any decent soul who might be lookin'. And while you're in there, doin' your business, you can't be facin' the direction of prayer, nor turnin' your back to it. That's a no-go. But it's good, it's real good, to say a little somethin' while you're lettin' go: اللّٰهُمَّ أَطْعِمْنِي طَيِّباً فِي عافِيَةٍ، وَأَخْرِجْهُ مِنِّي خَبِيثاً فِي عافِيَةٍ – "O God, feed me pure [food] in complete well-being, and expel the impure from me in complete health."

And when your eyes fall on what's been released from you, you speak again, askin' for what's right and good, and to be kept far from what ain't: اللّٰهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِي الْحَلالَ، وَجَنِّبْنِي الْحَرَامَ – "O God, grant me lawful sustenance, and keep me away from the unlawful." Now, when it comes to cleanin' yourself after passin' water, first you gotta do that istibra, that special way of makin' sure nothin' lingers. Then you say the prayer for seein' the water: الْحَمْدُ لِلّٰهِ الَّذِي جَعَلَ الْماءَ طَهُوراً وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْهُ نَجِساً – "Praise be to God who made water purifying and did not make it impure."

And while you're washin' yourself after peein', you say: اللّٰهُمَّ حَصِّنْ فَرْجِي وَأَعِفَّهُ وَاسْتُرْ عَوْرَتِي وَحَرِّمْنِي عَلَى النَّارِ – "O God, fortify my private parts and keep them chaste, conceal my nakedness, and make me forbidden to the Fire." And when you're gettin' up to leave, you put your right hand on your belly and say: الْحَمْدُ لِلّٰهِ الَّذِي أَماطَ عَنِّي الْأَذىٰ وَهَنَّأَنِي طَعامِي وَشَرابِي وَعافانِي مِنَ الْبَلْوىٰ – "Praise be to God who removed the harm from me, made my food and drink agreeable, and saved me from affliction."

Then, you step out, leadin' with your right foot this time, pullin' your left one after. And as you go, you offer up this prayer: الْحَمْدُ لِلّٰهِ الَّذِي عَرَّفَنِي لَذَّتَهُ وَأَبْقَىٰ فِي جَسَدِي قُوَّتَهُ وَأَخْرَجَ عَنِّي أَذاهُ، يَا لَها نِعْمَةً، يَا لَها نِعْمَةً، يَا لَها نِعْمَةً، لَايَقْدِرُ الْقادِرُونَ قَدْرَهَا – "Praise be to God who made me know its pleasure, preserved its strength in my body, and expelled its harm from me. Oh, what a blessing! Oh, what a blessing! Oh, what a blessing! Those who are able cannot appreciate its worth."

Yeah, even somethin' as simple as that, there's a way, a respect you gotta carry. It ain't just about emptyin' yourself, it's about rememberin' who you are, and where you stand, even in the most private of moments.